Entry #408

Switching Off To Switch On

2014-04-02 16:57:06 by nietzlawe


Imagine working in Lord Kitchener's kitchen with itching powder down your spinal cord... Then you watch Spinal Tap because your mind is Spiralling, Trapped inside the eye of a needle or something... The eye of a feeble weakling who can't even wrestle Weebl to the ground on a late evening weekend... New blog with a freaky beginning? Just wait until you see the end of the episode of erratic hyperactive soda... Get a load of this, like preloaders that pee freely without paying ransom charges, they are so pissed off they have to lay detonation charges... Charred remains are all that remain,  too late to regain anything, who can we really blame for such acts of terror? Just put it down to human error... again? Too many mistakes being made, too many takes to shoot one scene, too many remakes, too many sly remarks, too many Sly Stallone films... Too much of everything! Too much muchas gracias, pass me the mad dog sauce pour it on my fat cock then hold your nose... Hold steady like Bebop into Rock music, abusive like the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake... True fans know its really called Hero Turtles, none of this 'its just a mask, don't freak out!' business... You can't fuck with the cartoon, hell you couldn't fuck with drug cartels in Khartoum... They'll drag you in a car and take you to a room far far away... then make you watch TMNT on a 24/7 loop for the next 150 years of your life... They'll clone you a thousand times and make them all watch TMNT at the same time so that the collective groan of misery is louder than a Chilean earthquake... That is why the word Ear forms part of the word. True Story... Or not, it could be a falsehood like dressing up in wigs and clothes that don't fit, that are not befitting of the man who keeps getting belittled by large people... Its a damn shame that we can't all just get along ------ piece of string and tie it around all of our necks so that if one person does something stupid we all die... A Mexican Wave of Neck breakings... I'd pay to see that, but not on Amazon Prime, I'd rather watch female amazons wrestling on Primetime TV, preferably in skimpy costumes and vats of oil... Toiling away lustfully until someone spoils the day by turning the channel over to a black and white movie from 1939, where the audio is barely audible... Maybe barely audible was their version of barely legal back then... How can you be barely legal just because a little extra measurement of time has expired? A pimp must be stood there with a watch, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WOOO! YOU'RE 18! YOU'RE BARELY LEGAL! It's like the countdown to New Year or something... Its so weird that somebody else has put a measurement on my age,.. Or anyone else's age, maybe that is why I don't celebrate birthdays because of the fact that age is just a number and an invisible perception... Or is it? Said the ever curious Detective who could always detect hives on anybody's skin... The man was clever like the man who invented skin tight leather clothing... Faux leather or no Leather. At least you know faux leather wasn't cut from animals for pleasure or to piss off PETA... PETA Piper Pecked A Peck of Pickled Pepper... Why? Because he could, he had the beak of a madman, sharp as a razor, he pecked that pickled pepper, in fact he couldn't have picked it any better... Like a sweater for his wife, so he could watch her tight boobs slide around inside... He would watch all day then watch all night, with great insight... Dang those Bangers would make his penis mighty... Like Christ Almighty who had a Mighty Wrist from watching... Hell, even his wristwatch was moving its hands... The Mighty sword danced around in its pants... While the pans were left unwashed like unshaven moshers head banging in the poshest bar in town... This story is like that time that I liked that time. Circa 2002, IRL instead of IRC... But what gives Nietz? "People in charity shops?" -- Yeah, they give themselves pay rises... Charich get richer and the poorer just get poo smeared on their rear because they can't afford toilet paper man! Unless they buy it from NG! But that's extortionate man! I can't wait that long, I've got diarrhoea! "its going through custom duty dude." -- "But I'm already sat on the bog, taking a dump, using English slang that folk might not understand! Meanwhile, I'm sat here in my underpants, a hundred grand down as I bought that paper in bulk. Now I'm angrier than the Hulk when he was sat on the toilet straining, but he just had constipation... IF THAT FUCKING HEADPHONE FALLS OUT OF MY RIGHT EAR AGAIN! I'll steal 20,000 pounds from somewhere, put it in a briefcase and throw it on a house roof [or Ruth's house] and it will be a race against time to see who can claim it first... Like some dysfunctional Wacky Races type shit, the man with the ladder failed as when he climbed near the top, Matt Hardy appeared out of nowhere and dropkicked the ladder, sending the man [who shall remain unnamed... due to being charred and unidentifiable] crashing to the ground below... But how did a charred corpse climb a ladder I hear you ask? And my response is "how didn't a charred corpse climb a ladder." Then I ran off laughing into the sunset, with the briefcase of money and became a charred remain myself... People thought that was the end of Niet dessert, until the following day when...... Absolutely nothing happened. Phone calls were made, like Gangsters who become made men, then end up being stabbed or shot in the head or thrown in holes and beaten to death with shovels... "But NietzzteiN, how can you shove all this shit in one blog?" -- "B-b-because it was the only way! If you're gonna shoot me Steve, do it now. I have nothing left to live for." -- Withholds pistol... "I'm not gonna shoot you NietzzteiN... You did that yourself years ago when you shot yourself in the foot and the bullet lodged inside." That bullet is still there to this very day, embedded - like a Youtube video on a NG news post... Everyone is making new posts all of a sudden, its the order of the day, unlike the hors d'oeuvres which have been ordered to be disposed of, like those people that pissed off those gangsters... And now they have been carted off to Khartoum, placed in a tomb to watch TMNT with limited room.. and air. Restrictive conditions, there is not even enough space to crack a sneaky egg for Megan Fox... Talk about ultimate torment. "THIS IS THE ULTIMATE TORMENT! OF ULTIMATE DESTINY!" Mr Rogers in a bloodstained sweater, the same sweater that he had chosen for his wife earlier that day... His real name was PETA Piper and now he was on the loose, a manhunt ensued, the news cameras all did that stereotypical thing of skyline helicopter shots with loads of dramatic text moving horizontally across the screen... Oh My Dogg, we gotta catch this maniac before his brain reacts and he does something stupid, like halt the movie set of TMNT... On second thoughts! On third thoughts! On fourth thoughts! Let it happen. Let him put a cap in they asses! Or at least a cap that looks like a turd. C'mon Nietz Don't be absurd!! there are rules! rules that can't be broken! Said Marvin Candle, but he wasn't complaining when we ordered ten thousand rolls of loo roll all signed and autographed by none other than Sir. Thomas Fulp himself.


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2014-04-02 19:51:32

Agh man i am like 4 post behind, you are updating these way too fast, or maybe i am having no time, or maybe i am becoming a lazy reader, or maybe...

Tell me i am not missing out on anything (no wait that would make me grow all the more lazy, tell me it is the best fucking text in the world!)

nietzlawe responds:

It is the best fucking text in the world!! Good God you're missing out if you don't read this thing! It's the best thing since sliced bread! It's the best thing since unsliced bread! It's the best thing since gigantic loaves! It's the best thing since!!! ..................

... Nope. It's just the same shit as before.


2014-04-03 14:27:37

Ah... but any novelties at least? i mean these are coming fast and furious i cant handle it!

nietzlawe responds:

If you can't handle the heat, then step out of the kitchen... Because the international dishware conglomerate don't want to give away the secret recipe to making their spoons.

Novelties? There is nothing to report except the fact that PETA Piper is still on the loose. I still don't know how he dodged all those helicopter cams, the mass surveillance drones, the Big Mac Panopticon System, as well as the 100 Million Eyes Association. I don't know how he disposed of that blood-stained sweater.

The man is a maniac... But he loves animals.

The 100 Million Eyes Assocation, now that's one sinister group. They seem to have telescopic eyes, focused on every portion of Earth. I'm not really sure if there is actually one hundred million of them, but that is their nickname.

Nobody knows how PETA Piper escaped. Rumour has it, he was caught in the fallout of the SCI I.


2014-04-03 19:32:47

Goddammit, that is a lot, i will start catching up... tomorrow!

nietzlawe responds:

Tomorrow never dies.

.. Unlike many of the characters in our stories.


2014-04-03 20:06:31

Wasn't till after I ordered, I remembered my story about last years NG HQ party... they had at least 2 big cellowrapped squares of TP, just inside the left side door.

Surprised you didn't comment on my idea: Kickstarter a full page ad, listing our grievances, essentially putting the plebs money where their mouths are.... Could start a revolution like the Gutenberg press lol

nietzlawe responds:

Maybe what happened is.. Tom walked in and said, "ok, guys. How are we going to shift these squares of paper." And Steve, an unknown guy who probably doesn't even work at NG HQ said "I have an idea boss!" And thus the New Store was Born.

Until those in positions of influence quit their jobs, i.e. news reporters, judges, cops, soldiers, it will be very difficult to overthrow the billionaire hypnotists. If all the authority figures just side with the general public instead of the very few who hoard billions of pounds and watch everybody starve to death around them, or struggle to make ends meet. It's tough though, because soldiers are mostly recruited when they are down and out, have no parential figures, and the army generals put an arm around their shoulders and pretend to be a new father figure, but ultimately, they are drilling them in mind control. If you're shouting "YES SERGEANT" for years and years, topped with all the hard training and discipline, and most of these soldiers would kill their own families to protect Governments. Sad but true.

How do the public stop this machine? By not funding it, civil disobedience, quit their jobs and point blank refuse and fight against having their salaries to take taxes which support militaries and weaponry. If you're a parent, from birth, educate your children and basically give them the mentality that being a soldier is wrong (which it is). Definitely.. when you're taking orders from billionaires who wont join you on the frontlines.

I'm not going to go any more into it. Things will change when citizens become aggressively stubborn. Not violent, just a new culture of civil disobedience all done together as one. The second option is simple, just totally ignore any rule that gets made in Parliament and Congress. Let the public together, form their own system of governance outside of those small ringfenced places where billionaire don't live amongst us. They don't come into the real world, into our community and mix with us. It's dangerous when you are abiding by laws created by somebody that you will never meet in person. Citizens need to shun government and form an individual governance a million miles away from The White House.


2014-04-03 20:21:06

That reminds me... who should die next?

nietzlawe responds:

What does that say about us as directors when our favourite quote is:

Who should die next?

Talk about being morbid directors. It's like, 'who should we brutally murder, put in harems, have their beards torn off still attached to flesh and.........

Let's kill off Jon Walter again, just to make sure.


2014-04-04 12:18:41

Yeah he knows too much, time to do some silencing.

nietzlawe responds:

He knows too much indeed. I'm not happy that he goes on all the tv quiz shows and wins every single time with his General Knowledge expertise.

He must be silenced. It must look like suicide.


2014-04-05 03:06:40

... So is this infamous TMNT movie good or bad, because it is all over this text.

nietzlawe responds:

Judging by the trailer, it looks unbelievably cheesy and cringeworthy. An insult to the great cartoon, which although cheesy, possessed a certain type of quality and consistency, great music, great character voices.

Why the hell have they made the turtles so damn tall? They weren't giants!



2014-04-07 03:44:28

He-hero!? not ninja!? what sorcery is this!!!?

nietzlawe responds:

The kind of sorcery that fucks with people's minds depending on what country they live in!


2014-04-07 05:02:55

So why a ninja mask and not a hero cape?

nietzlawe responds:

Why not a ninja cape and a hero mask?


2014-04-07 14:33:33

Do ninjas wear capes? other than those things that allowed them to glide?

nietzlawe responds:

They don't have capes, but I have heard that as well as gliding abilities, they also know how to use Canon GLiDE scanners with Windows 7.


2014-04-12 22:34:47

Sounds more like magic than ninjutsu.

nietzlawe responds:

Yes, but have you ever seen a ninjutsu expert dance?

He says, "want to see ma jig?"

That dance was magic.