Entry #380

The Rise Of Intense City

2013-11-03 01:56:43 by nietzlawe


We have just eaten a Chinese... well not a Chinese person obviously, that wouldn't be feasible, it'd be more feastible. That would make Nietz a beast at the Ball, his back has always been against the Wall, they say he had to front crawl to get out the ballsac. Since then, life has been one long constant struggle, it was difficult climbing out of that Strug Hole without rope, he had fuck all. All he had was sharp-tongued quips that he used like whips. or shot like clips. He doesn't care if you don't like what brute-like shit scoots out his chute-like lips... Got to grow up quick in Intense City, its all the better if you feel incensed and shitty. It just gives you more fuel in the tank with plenty more pooled in the bank... But let's not get to being pissy and whiny, dissing the grimy surroundings that had this Limey hissing these rhymes dismissively or crying about how he had to stymie through the slime like some kind of Wes Craven nightmare, or every night where the only escapism he had was to sit right there without heating and write words... freezing cold. A little bit of Maeror Tri, alone zoning out to some mellow drone shit. Awww.some-sauce.com/kissmygrits... Those were the days, dazed and confused, couldn't even afford to buy a new pair of shoes or trainers... Those days were the strangest, but also the calmest, cut off from the whole world like the Amish... A Hermit in a germ-laden room in need of cleaning detergent... But funnily enough, comfort came from the most uncomfortable of situations... Slouched like an Alsatian, back cramps, foaming at the mouth trying to search for his salvation. He's now stationed at his listening post, surrounded by books... Life used to suck dick, now it sucks Clitowritis... He's the type to throw you into the abyss, then take a piss but miss you deliberately so he can call it a close call. Lose all Dignitas, despite peeing down with his big penis. Spray you with semi-mustard gas, throw a custard pie in your eye to cover your entire Pupil, its futile to try and see from out that spunk mural. But in Intense City they invent rent prices so high you can't even pay the gas and leccy, you can't even buy a Minced Beef Lattice because Queen Latifah stole it like the diva she is... Times are Harder than a stiffy for LeAnn Rimes... This new song he put on the Portal with a touch of portamento, in support of his fellow mental patients... I walked up to this immature guy and said, "excuse me, are you Matt Uring?" He screamed "BLAHHHHWHOOGGABOOGA!" in my face and ran off laughing into the night chasing a Green Poltergeist, then afterwards made an attempt to paralyse the Zeitgeist Movement. For WHY? I frigging asked. What have the Zeitgeist Movement ever done to you? Except make specific bodily movements like flipping the bird... Its cruel flipping birds upside down. He wants to take over this clothes shop and put a sign in the window that says CLOSED SHOP. That's one way to disappoint the customers, by pointing them in the other direction, towards that other shop, His shop. The twist is that he broke into the clothes shop in order to close it down so that his shop across the road could steal all the custom. Easy pickings, like nostril holes, his head is a sick place to be - like hospital halls. Hostile, spittle, play piggy in the middle using a pig in the middle while teasing it with a slab of bacon. Passed about like shoddy mass market hardware. He doesn't know where to start... How about starting there. Just a thought that you would push the boat out rather than sleeping in your hammock. Hammocks are flimsy, they make a mockery out of safe sleeping arrangements. And Nobody wants to Mock Cory for falling out of the hammock again for being too fat. A fat Cory? Tell me another story Nietz. Yeah like the story of him having to store his body fat. All that food gone to waste. I'd rather have seen it go to waist. In waist.Scrutiny, now there is Mutiny on the Bounty with Muttley and Motley Crew. But dude, we've modelled ourselves on you, you are an hero to millions who see you as some kind of figurehead... Get stuffed! Like deep crust pizza, they are jumping all on your back man, ain't you going to stop them? Nah, I'll give em a piggyback to the other side of the Tigris River. That's if I ever find this river! What the hell does this map mean? All these lines and squiggles and no clear means of getting to the Underground Pits of Sweaty Arms. Don't go there, that place is a death-trap, you'll have to perform a rap to deaf kids, which will fall on deaf ears. I don't want to have any death fears, just take each day as it ejaculates. Never run ahead of oneself, always chase your own shadow if you can, rowing with a shad oar. Sailing is awesome, not as good as Yi Siling though. This head is mashed, no doubt, battered and bruised but nothing to lose except financial security, its better to sit in the dark and embark on another path of Pathos. Rather than suffer, its better to laugh off all those doubts... You can't keep a guyyd mayyn down said the Redneck to the other person with the Green Neck. All this discolouration of necks is leading me to believe that people have been messing around with marker pens too much... We used to do that too, colour our entire skin in felt tip pen to look like a Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle. The hours in the bath scrubbing that shit off convinced that I was going to die from some kind of massive ink poisoning. Headaches, stress, nausea, and that's just the happy memories! Drum roll please DON... No, don't fucking roll the drums down the hill, now we'll have to run after them like a couple of Olympic sprinters and win gold medals when we reach the finish line in Finland. No fat people in Finland. All runners. I got a bit of puppy fat on my stomach, but its better to have a bit of meat on the bone rather than that woman on LiveJasmin with the in-your-face ribcage. It'd be funny if they had live jazz singers with Aspergers eating Burgers then activating a trip wire in order to catch burglars before they steal the Whole Safe of Jizz. I know what you're thinking, what kind of Unsafe Place is This? This my friend is the safest place on the Interwebz, a cosy blog filled with home truths about away fictions... You can lie down and lose yourself, zone out, drift, if you're feeling pissed off, read this missive, don't instantly dismiss this.

Its time to go out on the town, so lock up your daughters!!

... No, not literally Josef.

Cletus Fest... Zing, Ming the Merciless... Flash, ah ah! Not that type of flash game proviaduct, tape, shit, man, swearing to nobody except Bethany Lehem. When did you last pay attention? I never spent a penny on attention, attention paid for its own lunch, which caused a bit of friction and tension with the IT Crowd. The IT Clown, sit down and fire silver bullets into the juiciest breast, which will deflect towards another woman's boobs and ricochet again, creating a game of Pong between the two of them. How come you are allowed to say Mmm, chicken breast, tasty! But if you say Mmm human breast, tasty! You are suddenly a perverse member of the societal rights brigade. Like when gays brought AIDS to the Brig. That whole disease was rigged man! Rigged like a Digg story. Artificial, or artistically superficial, like this stem cell soup in a dish that sells well with additional cheap add-ons straight from Firefox Records brother! I'm representing a bunch of people who show resentment towards any legislation changing the Fourth Amendment. In fact if they try, we'll send them Hate Mail through an e-mail service called Wait Mail where you have to wait 16 years after clicking Send for the message to... eventually get deleted by Steve McLaughterTrack. He's an evil bastard is Steve, jumps on anything like Extreme Wrestling when leaping off the house roof and the tiles are sliding off and landing on his Mother's head and causing a wound bigger than the film Exit Wounds. Blood everywhere, squirting all over the frankfurter and Rustler burgers... Frank farted all over that hustler Russell and he has just sent the heavy muscle to eat those goddamn cockles. But what about the Kray Fish twins? And the Crab Stick coming with fishy slapstick and a fat smeg-coated dick. And eggnog filled ankle socks. Watch your language Nietz! Fuck off... you can't censor me, I'll just stab you with my censword. Where is my Freedom of speech? Soon we will lose the freedom to eat peaches and cream or scream because the world will get too picky and clean... With less focus on anything remotely human, everything and everyone turned into a mindless Robert Zombie.


Back to set the world on fire.. not literally, I'm not an arsonist... but our son is. Gay. Marred yet somehow married with Chicken.. Chicken? Did I mean children? How can Ken be chic with chicks to make Ryu jealous. Whyu talking shit? As you fire through paragtoabullgraphs like a seasoned veterinarian, 50 Variants of Grey, liable to lick labia, pick up the tab for lesbians and leave myself short-changed... I'm short-sighted too, they weren't lesbians, they were two guys called Les and Brian. Fucking heckers ma wiggy mcDufflebag sleeping with two slags that lag behind me in the Great Sack Race of China, which I didn't win as a Chinese bird tripped me up just before I reached the Finnish Line and started giggling... Cruella World, Goodbye, I'll write my suicide note AFTER I'm dead, which won't get read by Ze Earthlings, nobody will care.. I've no Friends to read my Will out... William will refuse to hand out all my possessions. "And to Bob I leave.. a broken clock!" YaY, hell, never mind a will, I haven't even made funeral arrangements, when I am deceased I want to have a Pauper's Grave, poor relief. On second thoughts why don't they just use one of those JCB diggers, scoop a few gallons of soil out then just dump me in. Or pay to get kidnapped by a serial killer and get a free burial. Life at the Crossroads, Bone Thugs N' Harmony are there eating Nandos and Phil Collins is stood in the background having a conversation with the waiter in Autotune... T-T-TAKEEEE MEEEEEEEE HOMMMMEE!! Bloody hell Phil, have you escaped from the Retirement Home again? In the Air Tonight? Yeah there was something in the Blackburn air tonight, its called acrid polluted dog shit piss scooped up by the water cycle system then pissed back down on us with nowhere left to run and nowhere to hide from that sadistic motherfuckin' rain that seems to pour more scorn than milk on corn.. Anyways lets talk about the Great Famine, oh it was marvellous, you just had to be there. Well you didn't 'have' to be there, you had a choice you know, nothing was non-consensual like sensual sex with an ex-convict, that convict had no conviction left to have sex, he was too passive, passed up pussy to put his dick up a hive... But he'll Bee fine, or be fined for sticking his weiner into Zena the Princess that was always Worrying... Zee-Nar, Nee-Nar! The sound of sirens but the deaf guy could only hear silence... of those damn Lambs during their minute silence for a dead relative. Paying their respects... 100 thousand pounds of hard-earned BitCoin... For a state funeral that will probably cost moar than mine.. Hats off to those lambs. Would you rather be a lamb to the slaughter? Or would you rather slam your daughter for coming home late? I'd rather drink beer from the navel of a cheerleader, leech off the stomach of this cute seeder like a seedy sleazebag. Eek! Diablogue, diabolical logs.. its just that Time of the Season to spout like a teapot, scolding. The day came as a bas relief, a sudden end to the State of Worry and lack of money, but boy o' McBoy we can't wait to get started from the beginning again, back to the hustle and bustle of the struggle because I can't settle in a snuggle. Feel so hyped and pumped that I would Jump on Jeffrey Dahmer and demand a piggyback before he turns my back into bacon. Die before I wake up and break this old Alan Wake disc, didn't even notice that my mentally unbalanced brain was on the Rag again. Bleeding out, making me so forgetful I'm leaving out _____.

You bout to hear the fury of Billy, I know its silly, but you shouldn't get this Goat gruff. He's wrote enough ammo to bore boars into goring him with full force. Its on, this is war.. thog. Four frogs jump into the scene with sore legs for more sex with Toads in the Hole. Some got crushed during a phase of sole searching.

Can't leave the lab until the thought bubble bursts and the worst kind of nuclear fallout spurts out.

I'm a Creature of habit.. but not a drug habit. These observations arise from my drab habitat. My blogs are like Magic Eye books, you either see the Easter eggs, or you eat them... If you eat them that means you saw them before you ate them.

Nom Nom Nom, Mammogram.

I'm always putting my foot in it. Knowing me, I would have eaten Alexander Fleming's bread by accident.

"Sorry Alex, I had those last few slices with my Oxtail soup."
"YoU FUCKING FOOL! You realise what you've done!"
"Yeah, I used the last of the margarine."
"Wh-ah-a.. Alex! Put that knife down, c'mon man, don't do anything crazy with that thing!"
"Calm down, make yourself a sandwich dude."


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2013-11-03 04:58:40

No really, who would steal jizz? and why?

When i die i want my cadaver to be used to feed a tree, and i already have the tree! now i just need a good place to be buried... but not even with that solved i feel fine with dying.

Sandwich of Nietzlawe head meat, mmmh, how would it taste? it surely will be an interesting experience!

nietzlawe responds:

Sperm banks, cum guzzlers. Jizz traffickers. All out to steal jizz from safes. But if these safes are not secure, why aren't they called unsafes?

You could be buried under the tree, that way the tree's roots can feed off you directly. In my opinion, that would be a treemendous way to have a burial. I'm not too bothered about roots inside my body, as long as it's not cancer. Ooh, you can't say the big C word Nietz. Yes I fucking Can, Sir. You can't stop me. I have lips and vocal chords you know! And I'm not afraid to use them!!...... But I am afraid to get cancer.

Nietz brain meat is pretty tasty, Jeffrey Dahmer was taking bites out of my head when I was giving him a piggyride. It affected how far I could carry him, as I started to become weak and dizzy and everything was morphing into a big blur. The last thing I remember was my arms and legs were on the table next to me, and me and my torso were lying on the gurney thinking.. 'this can't be right.'


2013-11-03 19:06:50

!?? the big C word is actually for Cancer? oh... well... haha... i... i will have to go and clarify some misunderstanding...

"Hello yeah, is Jon there? yeah, there was a mistake... congratulations you are not a woman, you don't have a cunt!!"
"Really? i knew it!"
"Yeah, you can continue your life as a man, also the big C word, it was for cancer, so there, you have cancer, not a cunt, and yeah, like 2 months left of life, alright have a nice day."

Damn that was awkward...

Well sure Cancer is horrible, but there are ways of saving yourself from it, plus is not an instantaneous death, i myself are more afraid of just dying without having the opportunity to at least reflect on my life. But yeah cancer is quite nasty.

How did you survive Mr Nietz!???

nietzlawe responds:

Who is afraid of C words? I see words in my nightmares that are more terrifying than Terrance running on a terrace block waving a pistol at people who have urinated so much that pissing has taken it's toll on them. Pissing from their Cunts. Take a punt kissing those lips. The conversation with your patient sure was awkward, he didn't like hearing that he only had 2 months left to offer the world. Everywhere he walked, there was a woman's voice in his mind counting down every single second of the two months. This made him panic somewhat and he began to run everywhere and tried to do many things at once just to make the most of his remaining time on Ze Planet Earth.

Then after two months Jon felt fine, so he visited his doctor and the doctor told him that the cancer diagnosis had all been an elaborate scam in order to get Jon to make the most of his life. In those two months, Jon had lived a hell of a life, when he found out he wasn't dying, it made him feel lazy again, so his doctor had to re-diagnose him with cancer yet again.

How did I survive my attack with Dahmer? I didn't. I'm writing this from beyond the grave. Ahh, I said 'beyond' the grave, not actually 'in' the grave. I was only visiting the cemetery. Stood at Jeffrey's gravestone I was.

Nobody will ever know how I survived that day. Not even me.


2013-11-03 21:06:39

So... you did or did not survive? this is so confusing, almost as confusing as Jon's health, that cancer just appears and then fades, then appears again, there was even one time when he was diagnosed with vaginal cancer, and of course he was about to scream that he had no cunt, but just in time an oncologist entered and told him that there was a mistake, he indeed didn't had vaginal cancer, it was just testicular cancer.

nietzlawe responds:

Jon's cancer went into remission. Even the whole story of the remission was fake. Who would go to such elaborate lengths to fake having cancer?

I'll tell you who. A guy who needs a good excuse to escape from the house of Jeffrey Dahmer. Once I told him the news, he said my meat had no value to him anymore. I was free to just leave.

But that doesn't explain why my name is Jon.


2013-11-05 15:00:30

Really sorry I haven't been chatty lately - a few decades of my life is going bye-bye this Saturday (still trying to find a way NOT to be here when it happens). Guess I should rent a car and/or a hotel room... My laptop is broken, so that won't be coming with me... already missing things I'll need next year to farm - auctioneer is grabbing everything he can find :<

nietzlawe responds:

Don't worry about it boss. You'll be back soon in full-force, ready to continue the continuation of lunacy that we are all participants in.

We are all just Action Man figures in Tom Fulp's dollhouse.

Leaving is not an option!

.. But temporary vacations are fine.


2013-11-06 20:35:00

Hold it there just a moment Mr Nietzlawe!
So you are Jon? but i was sure that you were Walter!
OK now hold it there a little bit more, aaaand, now let it go!
Look at it, running away, so happily... OK now aim aaaand fire.
Trying to leave Tom Fulp's dollhouse, HA! the nerve of some toys!

(Updated ) nietzlawe responds:

I have more split personalities than.. well.. a split personality.

Nobody leaves the FulpHouse...

"But we want to be here!"

"If you guys want to be here, why did you just speak it in a collective generic drone?"


2013-11-07 21:38:51

It doesn't matter Mr Jon Walter Nietzslawe, they are dead now, we should hide the corpse before they rot...

nietzlawe responds:

Let's hide the corpses in copses before the cops see.


2013-11-09 01:24:18

Lets do it inside the corpse of those cops, so if all fails they will pop, like poop of surprise, then we kill those cops too!

nietzlawe responds:

The fun never stops when you run from the cops, after putting a corpse inside a copse, then escaped down the street on a space hopper. While being chased by Dennis Hopper [who is no longer alive, God bless his soul] and the Australian guy Chopper [who is also no longer alive, God bless his soul].

You know what. I think the corpses we were supposed to bury have returned to life and are chasing us down and will not stop until 'we' become corpses in copses.


2013-11-09 22:36:41

Corpse of cops chasing dopes, on slopes, we need to cope with the hope of the deceased Dennis Hopper, of escaping this plot of a pot. A pot filled with corpses of cops on slopes chasing doves, that are really quite dope while they drop all that poop, in the rods of those corpse cops.

That day a lot of chasing took place, a lot of blessings were given, but Gabe Newell, told the devil to go and interfere with God's blessings, and in blazes we now have chasers, i mean mobile corpses of cops, that mercilessly ruin rhymes, while not stopping crimes or eating all those creams, but sure they can scream, because they have the dream that Gabe Newell gave them Steam-box. So they scream with joy, oh boy, we escaped.

nietzlawe responds:

They say you should count your blessings, but I don't have any. Should I call them lessings?

Gabe Newell is the new kid on the block that will rape fools with his great big tool.

Steam-Powered steamy sex scenes that need to be paid for on Steam.

Our only hope now is that Dennis Hops back because he is hopping mad after drinking that Hops and Malt and half a shaker of salt, all because he was battered and assaulted by the cops.


2013-11-15 05:35:53

Dennis Hops was assaulted by the zombie cops? then we have no hope, even if we escaped, well that ended quickly.

nietzlawe responds:

You can't kill zombie cops. But you can get fined by them for speeding or peeing in the bushes.

Dennis Hops learned that the hard way when he was forced to suck a zombie erection.