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Entry #366

The W00t T00t Nincomp00p

2013-07-31 18:07:03 by nietzlawe

THE W00T T00T NINCOMP00P

I'd rather serenade with Seren from OnlyTease and get my loin juices squeezed out like Sensodyne toothpaste. Two-faced into using toothpaste for other reasons... Fuck who needs a reason? Except budding bedroom music producers who produce semen and fail to switch off Xbox One Kinect cameras before they connect their erection into visibility... But jacking off is normal, you have to if you want to log out of Newgrounds... But everyone knows that, its old news dude, who cares about my old-fashioned musings that are abusing the system like a singer with a radio on a bus, dancing, recording their shitty singing on a Samsung, while highly strung, then his hamstring gives out and he's lying on the floor screaming, crippled, with an ambulance man stood by him saying, 'can you wiggle your toes?' Can you wiggle your woggle from your time in the Scouts, can you wriggle out of sticky situations? Can you use Flickr or are you getting too many flickers on your monitor, causing epilePepsic Fits? Pepsi is good for creativity, its like a legal high, till you're face to face with the Eagle giving you the evil eye... C'mon, up here we've all got equal rights! Equilateral flight bird member of the Illuminatitties... The light shines on those illuminated titties, its like a fucking total eclipse of the sky... Mind my ranting, these aren't rants, these words are rancid, so rancid that people run to the side of the streets in a frantic panic, like they are escaping from a pandemic. Don't worry, Neville has a cure! It can be injected with a needle, but that is needless, now we have vials... If you want a vial of vaccine, you'll have to ring Dial a Vaccine, you'll get through to a woman called Maxine, a fat teenage tearaway Goth that somehow landed a job, handing out advice to fat slobs, that sit on their arse all day eating food that'll clot their fucking arteries man! I've tried to tell them, but they just wont listen! In fact all this food talk is only making their lips glisten! Salivating isn't Salvation, Salt and Vinegar chipsticks for breakfast isn't How this Nation, or in fact the whole world should be operating... But that's the system guys! We're all out of control, we're all Nincomp00ps in Ninja Suits indulging in the most trivial of pursuits... Pursuit and tie, shoes, shave that beard dude, you look fucking weird. This is Me, this is my style, deal with it. I don't have a go at you lady for wearing Jewellery, it's freedom of choice, free speech, I have every right to stand on the edge of this building and see how far my pee reaches... I'd rather get gelded by Peaches Geldof, so I can't get off.

Anyways I want to spend the next few days under the sun's sweaty rays... Getting wasted... Not with alcohol, I don't drink... But I do stink of drink. Not alcohol. I don't even drink Soda, I'd rather bring sawdust and then go nuts because I didn't fucking bring a drink... The sawdust came in handy when someone puked up for drinking too much beer... Beer, funf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, zehn... How did those German numbers get inside 'ze brain! I'm not brainless, I paint and decorate with words like Da Vinci did with paintings... Laden with the faintest hints and tints, Easter eggs, a feast to exercise the Cryptographers who need six photographers just to photograph all these paragraphs and line up the pictures then sift through them, while playing Sift Heads... I'd rather sit at the edge of the bed of a dying patient, impatiently waiting for the pay cheque... I keed I keed, I joke I joke, smoke weed smoke weed, sniff coke, sniff coke! I'd rather snort stories and give jokes to the masses... "By masses Nietz, you mean the odd person who happens to stray upon these blogs?" Nietzlawe sadly and hesitantly replies, "Yep." Meh, who cares except Mr. Meh who was a method actor into methadone, I don't condone what he does, but he's Corleone, I dare not disagree with his wisdom... More wisdom than Robert Neville who should have been given an Olympic medal for taking a javelin to the chest, of ironically... The world champion at Javelin throwing - Jan Zelezny. Jan Zelezny was not in the Omega Man, neither did he play an Amiga, he was more of a Commodore Man... Or maybe he was the OmegaDrive Man.... The mystery continues like a contingent of ineptitude that subject the population to The Physical Jerks, even people that are jerks. If you jerk off, you'll work off all that excess fat...... On your cock!! Muah Uah Ah H... In UTAH... I'm bored, perhaps I'll just sit here and think up oxymorons... Assisted Suicide, that's a good one. That involves somebody else killing you, but using only their butt. Sounds like bliss. Got any last words Nietz? "Well I just wanted t..." -- "Too late Nietz." -- "Nooooommmpphhhhh...". Voluptuous bubble butt, held under the bubble bath, and to top it off she's just released gas. Death by Woman Fartz. 'Poetic and Artistic, somewhat sadistic, but its what he would have wanted,' said the Eulogy Man - Robert Neville. Robert Neville is everywhere, he's omnipresent, he even once bought me a Commodore as a present for my birthday. I didn't play it. I was more of an Amiga Man.

I'd rather be the Amoeba Man and surrender my soul to the CyberDevil, Then ride to Gehenna Montana with Joanna and Phoebe and get flea-bitten by three ridden kittens. So I threw them down a well, that's one way to get rid of kittens... What?????? I'm just kidding guys! No kittens were harmed in the making of this blog (cough except the ones we threw down a well cough)... Actually they were fine, Buffalo Bill fished them out after they wouldn't put some fucking lotion in a bucket or something... 6uffalo 6ill, I reckon his middle name was 6urt, which 6affled me more still. The three 6's, or the three B's, whichever berspective you have of lookin6 at it... It's all relative, unless you know the truth for sure, don't speculate, just ejaculate while watching the speculum take place. It's great. It's spectacular. I wouldn't expect anything more immaculate. It's like going to a gun shop called Acc-U-Rate. You never miss. It's like one of those funfair water pistol games - totally unfair but fun squirts Squire. Town Crier who aspires to be a spy hired by the NSA. "The NSA may take our freedom, but they'll never take our..." ... Oh. They've already took it. They've taken everything, ransacked the place, they have taken the air we breathe. There is a sale down at the store, 20% off air. Orgasm for sale at £13.50 - ADD TO CART. This product is subject to 25.50% VAT. Great, now we have to buy a Redeem Code just to bust ze plums. This Redeem Code will only unlock the your organs for two minutes then relock. Bastards. Funny but true, Keeping it Funny, those sunny days about to become scummy... But until then, keep the peace, keep the pieces of Pico cake, keep it in your pockets like the Shawshank Redemption and sprinkle it on the floor of the prison yard... I don't know why. Seems rather foolish not to eat such a luxury food item. Are you questioning Nietzlawe's wisdom? "Er... well... yeah..." Everybody is questioning his wisdom. That Nietz fellow he fell off the horse, hess a 1 trik pohney..." And they were just the positive fan mail. It's the pictures of male fanny that were scary. But who cares we - are all human ze beings, we were born naked long before we were old enough to eat our first corn flake cereal. Long before we knew how to plug wires into parallel and serial ports. Long before the drinking addiction... Long before mid-life crisis, severe depression, and brain tumour arrived... Ahhh, as Louise Armstrong once sang, What a Wonderful World. "Er Nietz... don't you mean Louis, Armstrong?" -- "No. Louise. A girl I know, she got drunk and started singing What a Wonderful World.' But it sounded more like 'Wahtttt a vonderfalll... i fakccin lufff yuu... Hick" -- "Why was she mentioning Bill Hicks?" -- "She wasn't, she was drunk."

Is the world wonderful? You decide.


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VicariousEVicariousE

2013-08-01 06:31:25

Man, I should try reading this into a mic, add some muted bongos, clattering glasses and hushed bar-speak.
Could only get halfway through the first paragraph due to IRL fatigue, but this looks more visceral than some of the other missives you've written.

nietzlawe responds:

This is an example of what listening to Not Yet Remembered while drinking lucozade can wring out of my tortured head.