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MIKE AND RON - THE CRAZIEST BASTARDS THAT EVER LIVED
"Get in the Car!"
"Hey Mike, you old arsewipe! What brings you to my neck of the woods?"
"'my new car Ron, quick, get in."
"No worries, what's the rush?"
"I'm being followed Ron. Monarch saw us last night."
"Saw who? What are you talking about?"
"No time to explain, we need to head deep and go to ground."
"What have you gotten yourself into Mike?"
"Calm down, here, listen to this, a bit of Glenn Frey will do you good."
*The Heat Is On*
"Mike, turn it down you bastard!!"
*And the beat's so loud*
"Michael!! Slow the fucking car down!"
"Too late Ronald, you're in this as deep as me now."
"What have y... swerve! A deer!!"
"Oh shit! That was a close shave. Good call Ron."
"Do you have a fucking brain cell in your head Mike."
"Just the one Ronald, you know that."
"You'll get us both killed one day you clumsy loon!"
"I don't think that day will come Ron. We're bullet proof you and me. We've experienced worse than this. That time we got held hostage in Siberia?"
"Yeah... The time we went drinking in that Irish bar - Crazy Shenanigans."
"Haha yesss! That was a close shave too wasn't it?"
"We got walloped over and over around the head with baseball bats. You can't get much closer than that."
"Great days though... great days."
"Very memorable. Particularly if you're a masochist or psychopathic."
"Fortunately we're both... Right?"
"We, Michael Holden, are nothing but gluttons for punishment. Since the day we met, on a wet Wednesday in Worcester, you have brought me nothing but... *pauses* rigmarole."
"I know Ron, but it's 'good' rigmarole. To face your worst fears every single day and defy the odds. I mean, what were the chances of us surviving that mountain fall we had?"
"Again, that was your fault, persuading me to climb up there."
"But we survived Ron. We survived. How many people can say they have endured a 200 foot plunge onto jagged rocks and lived to tell the tale?"
"How many people climb 200 foot mountains Mike."
"People risk their lives every single day... We just happen to do it more than others."
"Much more than others Mike. A life is just once. One bad bang in the heart and it's all over."
"You worry too much Ronald. Worrying all the time can be more dangerous than the things we have done. It's alright though, I've already planned our next adventure. We just need to make a little detour first."
"What plan? Detour? Where are you taking us?"
"Restricted Area? No Trespassing Beyond This Point? Photography Is Prohibited? Warning? Any ideas yet?"
"Nope, is it pole vaulting over electric fences again Mike?"
"Incorrect Ronald. Guess again."
"I've no idea Mike. Tell me, enlighten me with your great new plan."
"Area 51 Ronald. We are going to hire a two-man buggy, then we're going to drive right past the border and just keep on going until we get to Groom Lake. Fuck the choppers Ron, fuck em to hell."
"Mike we've no chance!!"
*Ron speeds up the car while laughing maniacally*
"I don't feel so good Mike."
"Here, take one of these."
"What are they?"
"Amphetamine capsules. You're going to need the energy and motivation for what we are about to do. These will have you doing jumping jacks."
"Are they safe?"
"Worst case scenario, dry mouth and headache. But really, that's nothing, the worst case scenario is that we get shot down by the choppers."
"Why do I have a bad feeling about this one?"
"Because our last fifty five missions went wrong?"
"Yeah! That's right! Nail on the head!"
"Don't get yourself in a panic Ron, that sign is only there to scare people. It's not real, it's a psychological tactic to intimidate people. It's also a sociological experiment to see if people obey authority and show fear to danger."
"I hope you are right Mike, I'll never be able to forgive you if this fucking thing goes tits up."
"It's slang, it means everything could go disastrously wrong."
"Calm down my good Britty friend."
" I am calm. Caaalmming to the realisation that I'm scared Mike. Very fucking frightened. This can't end anything but badly."
"Trust me Ron, have I ever let you down?"
"Only on thirty-one separate occasions."
"Ahh... Water under the bridge mate... water under the bridge."
"You don't need to apologise Mike."
"No I mean look out in front of us! No fucking bridge Ron! We're going in the water!!"
"Fuck, this is the last time I trust you!!"
"Ha, how many times you said that boy?"