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Entry #317
Warm Fuzzisms
6/25/12 by nietzlawe
WARM FUZZISMS
WARNING! The following quotes were created under the influence of soberness.
Triumphantly dry humping the hole of a trumpet.
Racism is so stupid, how often do you laugh at the grass because it's green.
Why be controversial when you can be introvertial.
Now you've gone and opened up Pandora's Boxer shorts.
Why is that woman humping the air? Because she was trying to fuck a snowman and it melted.
Giving cunnilingus to a tribe member in Tonga, I'm growing fonder by the day of the girl in Tonga, our love is getting stronger than someone who can pull a two-tonne truck using only their testicles alonga road in Tonga.
I don't like classical music, but the hairs on the back of my neck do.
You broke my arm? YOU BROKE MY ARM!? I BROKE YOUR FUCKING ENTIRE ARMY WITH MY INTERROGATION METHODS!!"
So I said to the anarexic girl, "for fuck sake, start eating some food.. show a little backbone will ya! No, not that much backbone!!"
Will I am. Will I ever like his music, Will I fuck. Can't sing, dresses like someone who has just got out of a racing car. Rene Descartes never said, I think, therefore Will I am did he? Neither did William draw an eye on his yam.
Pastry and chocolate, the perfect combination for any heart attack inducing enthusiast.
"Pain is horrible, why can't God switch pain off in the options settings? It's his game after all," said the believer.
That solution is about as useful as swallowing an ipad tablet to cure your headache.
Sitting in the dark, wallowing with that hollow ring in my ears. Tinnitus.
I intend to go against absolutely everything except the grain just to be awkward.
I met an heterosexual puffin drag.
Damaged bads.
I took some horse meat to the top of the Empire State Building, the steaks couldn't possibly be any higher.
I'm not sure how to make a new news post on NG, I must be suffering from Writers Blog.
Whose sick idea was it to put the fun in funeral?
Life is arduous, "I said 'hard' you ass!!"
It would have been cool if Thomas Edison's son was called Eddie and he had a son called Thomas.
I'm feeling so tired I like like I could just ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff fffffff
- 10 comments
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7/8/12
They say I'm all about style with none of the substance abuse.
You are, whatever they say you are,
If you wasn't, then why would they say you are,
In the papers, in the news, everyday you are,
I don't know, it's just the way you are.
I've never seen you abusing substances, but I have seen you abuse women positioned in submissive stances.
7/5/12
I liked the one with the words.
It's all about the wrods, the steel rods that were implanted into my fingers that enabled me to create these words. So don't thank me, thank the rods.
Except Rod Stewart, what the hell has he ever done for us?
7/5/12
kärlek är i luften, överallt jag ser mig omkring
Liebe liegt in der Luft.
6/30/12
Yes, we could cumbine our skills to create a collection of cum joke animations and distribute it to retailers across the globe. And it would be called... "The Cumplete Cum Cumpilation".
Customer: "The Cumplete Cum Cumpilation?!? Who on Earth would buy this shit?!?!?"
Which clientele would buy such distasteful porn you ask? And my riposte would be, well The Clients from Hell of course. The Clients from Hell clientele will lap up any kind of porn, literally in most cases, and being such avid Cum Cumpilation enthusiasts, they will lap it up better than most, which would then ironically see them being recruited to participate in the Cum Cumpilation videos and they will become everything they have ever hated.. Wait! No they wont, they'll becum everything they have ever loved, this is the perfect job for them, the dream scenario, the reason they were born, to take part in hardcore porn to satiate the softcore masses who masturbate to these animations.
6/30/12
We should develop a special system explicitly designed to exchange cummunications. It would no doubt involve the use of a cumputer, and would ensure that we stay close cumpanions.
Wait a minute, we already have something like that, don't we?
Well we like to keep each other cumpany by using cumputers. If that fails, then we could always cummunicate via Siemens phone so that we can cumbine our flash-making skills.
6/29/12
I've had enough of these cum jokes! I'm going to file a cumplaint!
Cum humour can't die, you can try try try, but cum humour just can't die. So file a cumplaint and launch your cumpaign to outlaw Master. Bayshun, but cum humour just can't die. But cum shots sure can fly, through the sky, and blind somebody if it lands in their eye, but even so, cum humour just can't die.
Cum Ba Yah.
6/28/12
At least Bill isn't cumstipated.
The Old Bill is Chief Cumstable.
6/27/12
Cumjunctivitis is indeed a dirty thing.
*Wakes up disorientated.*
"Where did I leave my eye drops?"
Deep gravelly voice: "They are right here Bill."
"Am I imagining things? Is someone here?"
Even deeper gravelly voice: "Let me put your eye drops in for ya."
"At least let me put the bedroom light on first."
"No need for that Bill, hold still, keep your eyes open, these need to be applied with great precision."
"What's that sound?"
"What sound?"
"It's like a fapping noise."
"That's nothing, here, open those eyes now, nice and wide for your Uncle Terry!"
"Argh that stings!"
"You just need to give it a couple of minutes for the pain to subside."
"I-I-I.. C-c-can't open my eyes. Help! They are glued shut!! Call a fucking ambulance!!"
"You've been Punk'd Bill, you've been Punk'd!! Or should I say.. Spunk'd."
*Sounds of a raspy smoker's cough laughter*
6/26/12
Humanity's worst atrocities - genocides and world wars - have been organized and carried out by sober individuals. People just don't engage in that sort of behavior while under the influence of drugs.
Forget sobriety; I'm going to down a bottle of whiskey and ingest a cocktail of hallucinogens every eight hours for the rest of my life.
World wars? Genocides? Atrocities? Yahoo Geocities? All caused while sober?!?!?! You've really opened my eyes!!
... Damn this sticky conjunctivitis.
"That's no conjunctivitis Nietzlawe.. that's no conjunctivitis."
The shadowy figure then ran away laughing into the night to the sound of some pants being zipped up.
Dirty bastard.
6/25/12
So... So insightful...
"Nice rambling you have there"
- My brain
All I see inside my head are colours, a brainbow of sorts.