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THE INFINITE CRANIUM
Bit of a teaser
"What do you mean I'm sick?!?!"
"We mean you're sick Mr Law, I'm afraid we are going to have to admit you."
"Admit me? Admit me where?"
"You are sat in a mental institute, where do you think we would admit you? A restaurant? You're a danger to yourself and others Mr Law, we would be doing this for your own safety and protection."
*Mr Law breaks down into tears*
"But what about my dog?"
"Oh don't worry about him, we will take good care of him."
"And what about Sarah?"
"Who is Sarah?"
"She's my brain's best friend, she looks after him, protects him, shields him, puts herself in the firing line if need be."
"I'm sorry, you are losing me Mr Law... What are you talking about?"
"You don't know Sarah? She's like my guardian angel, she's always looking over me, I wouldn't be here now if it werent for Sarah... None of us would be."
"Okay Mr Law, I'm going to take your word on that one. You are quite an unusual but likable chap aren't you?"
"Is that a rhetorical question Sir?"
"Woah, hold on, no need to call me Sir, we are both human beings here, just because I'm your psychiatrist, it doesn't mean I'm higher up the food chain than you. In fact, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I didn't really get this job on merit, I mean I just blagged it, you know, its not difficult, no qualifications or anything, but you have to do it don't you? I mean putting food on the table for your own family, that's got to be the priority here, survival is the one basic human principle. It doesn't matter to my patients whether I'm a fraud or not, I mean they are deemed sick, but in truth we are just as fucked up as you guys. I can tell by the look in your eyes Mr Law, that you don't understand a damn word that I'm saying. Don't mind me, its just the whisky talking. One day, when you leave this place, it just might register in that little brain of yours, that all of this, what we do, our race, its just acting, its not real, none of us are, we are just holograms projected by our brains. I want you to think about what I'm saying Mr Law, because you are going to wake up one morning and realise that you have the power to change things, no matter how helpless or desperate your situation may seem."
*Mr Law just sits there vacantly staring into space, oblivious to his own drunken psychiatrist's startling philosophical revelations*
"Wherever you are, whoever you are, you can change things, remember that! Prove it to me boy, don't let me down now will you. I'm counting on you and will be heavily involved in your progress."
"You are probably terrified that we have padded cells here at Barkmore Institute, but don't be alarmed, these are not used as a form of punishment anymore, quite the opposite. Our padded cells are used as a means of attaining the deepest relaxation, that's right Mr Law, some human beings actually find more freedom in a claustrophobic environment, it makes them feel safe, there is no pressure from the daily struggles of life, no sound so that they can meditate in peace. Mr Law, I want you to find your freedom in restriction, physically you wont be able to move, but it will encourage you to open your mind and think, use your imagination and escape to any world you want to. Each time you come up with good ideas, you will write them down and we will study your mind."
"Although you are our patient, we want you to study us, to study our behaviour, every small detail, hand movements, facial expressions, what we say, where we look, when we blink and how we act, I'm telling you this for your own good because one day you are going to come back here and thank me for it."