WHAT WE DID AS KIDS PART II

Peter Kay stood on his house roof, Chris Holland hitting the crossbar when he said he would, choking on coffee/coughy cake, the World Cup Striker song, playing the Dizzy's on the spectrum, the really fast Andy SWOS seasons, eating pie and chips at my house, I got sick from drinking a bottle of vinegar as a dare, the nnn'yeahh Kick Off 3 crowds, tryna clear Sam and Max game, Andy getting a 486 PC from Park Computer, the Superfly Jimmy Snuka Christmas present, Andy's Mum always saying 'why you up this early? wet the bed?', that blowtorch that we nicked off Scott and used to burn things with it, deliberately starting fires, me, Andy, Peter, Adele and Will stealing about five carrier bags full of stuff from Morrisons and then panicking coz we thought will had got caught, stealing Arch Rivals from the mobile game van, Ermine Close was such an intimidating place to go, rushing to Toys R Us for a last gasp PS2, the Load "" for Spectrum, putting every condiment and liquid possible on a slug to kill it, throwing lumps of shit at my back dining room window and my Dad cleaning it off with a hose pipe urrgh, me being grounded and then immediately sneaking out through the back door, I'll give you a Wanger, coming down Lytham Road on skateboards in a game called Funny Skids, where the purpose was to deliberately hurt ourselves, going on Cleveleys field, going to Darwen Swapshop to find it was closed, Father Brian putting butter on the football and one of us had to touch it eugh, Burkey having guitar lessons in the Church, us going to Church one Sunday and farting during the hymns and then running out, tryna sell WOGGLES for the Scouts, making those marzipan and almond cakes, laughing at Philip Schofield doing the lottery in a goth pub, paying 50p subs to BE subs, being introduced as the super subs at the Centurion ceremony, me always running to the ice cream van for pickled onion Thin Jims or beefburger nuggets, Wayne Pearson's Dad's slipper flying in the air when he tried to kick that football away, always being able to hear Will getting beat up through the door by his Mum or Dad, wanting to coach Ian Thornton to become a world class footballer, Tom the next door neighbour always throwing chocolate over the hedge, going to May Anderson's house for our trophies and she said 'this one's for the league, this one's for the cup, this one's for the runners up', playing football on the Black Pitch, Deffen Steffenberg, the SNES version of FIFA which we stayed up all night playing, clearing Donkey Kong Country, playing football on the concrete next to the new pitch, and the ball always going over, the Scott sent me up here with no clothes on dream... urgh freaky, always dodging trains on the train track behind our houses, the 'you're an Egypt' insult, me getting lobbed in the small nets on Our Lady's by Andy, instead of taking the wire cutters home that we used on the Our Lady's fence, I stashed them in the fields nearby, climbing inside Ulmbrook derelict houses, telling ghost stories at night in the middle of the street, stealing those pipes to build an obstacle course for my brother's hamster, always making really successful dens, getting covered with water in my back garden off my brother, being forced to always go to Hayley Taylor's house coz Will was going out with her, Will breaking his arm and me just speeding past him on my bike, that huge collection of Beezer and Topper comics I used to have, putting stink bombs down Andy's toilet, the fart spray that we sprayed on a traffic light button, Pauline giving us some spending money in Blackpool, us battering my Mum on that boxing game and pissing ourselves laughing, me surviving the agonising electric chair and thinking my arm was gonna drop off, Billy McMullan always translating for Def Ste, going to GAME and Electronics Boutique to look at commy games for hours, sometimes even taking a pen to write the cheats out of magazines, bottling bees and then kicking the bottle against a wall, Lauren Kay never getting any older, Jane Eggleston eugh, Anthony Perry doing commentary while playing football in real life or on computer games, the Rigby laughs, Lee Rigby knocking Father
Brian out with a football and him crying, watching Blackburn Rovers matches from the hills by climbing big trees, getting free tickets and ending up with the away Newcastle fans, being at Tommy's house and him saying 'they've blown it, they've bloody blown it', going out in Burkey's Dad's car afterwards, dropping the pint glass on the road during Blackburn Rovers promotion celebrations, going to the Sun pub with Freddy Kruger guy there, watching the Liverpool UEFA Cup final and being blagged by it, getting those pizzas from Pizza Planet and needing a piss straight away for some reason, calling Egg Fried Rice an Egg Flied Lice, the £1.50 Madras sauces from Curries From Ewood, passing out at that Millenium party we went to, I fell asleep in the street and Andy tried to climb a lamp post, I woke up the next day with cuts and bruises, being given every mixture of alcohol possible at that party, laughing at the Frontier Psychiatrist video in the pub, getting karate books from the library and always practicing the moves, going to Paul McCrimmons house just to play incredible (at the time) manager games for the Amiga, going to Almass Shah's house for much the same reason, working for the nervous Jane Stevens, playing football during the work breaks and tryna sign up for Darwen Gym but quit on the first day, Preston and Western on SWOS, ewww grizzly becoming a cult quote, watching Big Trouble In Little China and laughing at the sound effect bit that Peter Kay couldn't do, clearing the Discworlds with cheats, thinking that Catz or Dogz would be really good games, having to put in a code from the instruction manual for PC manager games, being absolutely blagged by the Leisure Suit Larry games, having to answer the questionnaires just to play Leisure Suit Larry games, continuously playing Song 2 by Blur on the FIFA Road to the World Cup PS1 game, playing marbles which my brother won from that summer fair at Longshaw Junior School, me being able to get dressed in about 10 seconds flat, playing darts in Andy's dining room which was also the room that pioneered the first even CM game we played, writing into a Nintendo magazine that cheat or bug we discovered for Super Mario World (a genuine bug in the game that we found), calling Mick Sutton - Smilie, going to Gerards for Kinder eggs just to collect Smurfs, collecting Batman and Turtle cards with bubblegum pieces in, filling in our football sticker albums and I only needed one more, but I cheated and used two Jan Fjortofts because it was only Swindow and noone would notice, stealing strawberries from Garry Holden's greenhouse, his house stinking of piss, making mud bases for toy figures on the streets, being disappointed coz WCW figures couldn't move limbs, Arn Anderson with the bucket on his head, Last Action Hero Schwarzenegger figure I had, sliding on our bellies in the snow, my non celebrations Le Tiss style when I scored a goal at football, the Tim Flowers fake dives, getting the ball when it got kicked over the stadium roof, making paper boats and letting them flow down River Blakewater, digging up old bottles and ornaments from Lower Darwen fields, me taking pies to Rovers games instead of buying them down at the ground, calling Kevin Davies a fat shit right in front of him, pretending we were on camera throwing our season tickets into a bin, trying to find a sneaky way into Ewood Park through a side bit.