THE DEVIL AND GOD STORY

God was practically swimming in his own filth, an empty curry tray lay on the table, beer cans were scattered about the place, farts which ironically smelt like fish had caused the fish in the tank to twist upside down in a bizarre ritualistic way. They probably couldn't stand smelling themselves and fish deodorant wasn't yet on the market. It was only a matter of time before one clever plaice bottled a lovely smell and named it 'stynx'. Oh there would be that initial period where all the other fish would condemn the deodorant's similarities to the human deodorant 'Lynx', but after that they would gradually accept and use it. There weren't that many pioneers or inventors in the fish world, and if there were, they tended to keep it low profile. There was one... Mike Salmon his name, his death was mysterious... in the middle of the night somebody had smashed his tank and all his water had drained out along with all his furniture, apparently the human responsible was a right sicko... he had Mike Salmon pictures all over his bedroom wall, some say he even had a trademark dartboard with Mike Salmon's picture on it. Mike Salmon had always feared that the limelight would be his downfall, once he had got too big for his gills; he had made powerful enemies in the fish world... Psycho Shark and Killer Whale wanted a piece of him... 'The Family That Loved Fish' wanted a piece of him too...

'Literally'.

God's dog was sleeping in front of the blazing fire, 'at the back of the fireplace engraved into the ceramic was the words 'made in hell © Satan TM' and underneath in small print it said 'Fire Made From Original Flames' and beneath that in microscopic small print and invisible to the human eye read the capital letters, 'WARNING IT IS VITAL YOU SEE THIS SMALL PRINT WRITING, PLEASE GET A MAGNIFYING GLASS OR YOU'RE DOOMED I TELLS YA'.

Damn those crafty salesmen! Damn Satan to hell for eternity. I would call that a curfew.

Satan had toyed with the idea of selling his work on E-Bay, problem is, he had to give his address details and he certainly didn't want to be hassled by endless Satan fans, mainly Goths and Punk Rocker types. What Satan hated more than anything was a Goth wearing a cheesy T-Shirt that read 'Better The Devil In Me' or 'Satan Rulez... literally'. Satan preferred serial killers; they didn't need to advertise the fact that they loved evil; they just got on with it, no shirking, blood, guts... the lot.

Nice to know that although God and Satan had their differences over the years they had both agreed that 'some' fire was a good idea... and at times they both felt it was overused a little, to burn humans in creative ways. They both had a tremendous input in the creation of the Earth, when god needed the sun to warm the place up he phoned Satan and when Satan needed a pitchfork, God would send him one out of his kitchen drawer. It was a business deal that made sense for both parties, always helping each other out, going around to each other's dimensions and having a spot of tea and biscuits, usually Bourbon Creams. Apparently some nasty human had spread the news that God and Satan were archenemies, and those rumours caught on... It nearly caused a full-scale riot between the two giants, until they agreed it was just another example of malicious human fabrication stemming from secret Brotherhoods to cause unrest, instability and fear in the everyday people. Those scared of losing power manipulate doctrines brilliantly, Constantine was trying to attract the bees to a better quality honey and it had actually succeeded.

People were mere shadows to their respective unrespected religions. When the religion said 'jump' they jumped and when religion said 'put your hands together' they did that too... and prayed.

Satan was thinking of decorating his dimension, it was beginning to look shoddy and un-intimidating. Only last week, a human being was hoisted here only to think he had walked back into his own Council Estate home.