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I am here to make a difference, isn't that why we're all here?

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Nietvam

2016-06-10 22:13:14 by nietzlawe

NIETVAM

Really don't know how much longer I can carry on in this world.

Edit: 25 years at least!

Edit: You're mental man, they couldn't send you to see Temple Grandin without her thinking she'd just landed on Mars. But at least I don't start wars. I can't be alone with this, can't be at home with this condition. Maybe I should make a decision... 'book a half hour session with a fucked up physician.' Maybe I'll opt for a more traditional method of self-improvement. Either that or join a New Age health movement. Yoga and meditation, Scientology agents slowly medicating you. This headache is getting violent! I think I'm gonna puke! Spew out the Midnight Mucus. "Dude, I think you're having a midlife crisis!" Calm down! I'm okay!

Edit: I'm a sick man they say... I don't give a damn or a shit they say, but man I'm tired of hearing hammy fisted actors who live by ideals. Who dare not step out of line because they fear the retribution. And think they know how I feel? You shouldn't need to hide your flaws because there is no human being even close to perfect. Nobody has ever been deserving of such an accolade. Just because I have an appetite to put my unhappy side out there. An avalanche of pain under the candlelight. But nothing I can't handle, right? Serve up this ample trite like its apple bramble pie. A mind mangled, I, have nine angles of thought... I'll ramble on until my hippocampus has to be ampouled. Deep in thought on a veranda, until the brain lights up like a Chinese lantern. Then its my hands' turn to take over, to rake all the hoardes of leaves into some kind of disorder, no matter how discordant. Its not important at all how fast the tap pours out the soul. Just that the soul is not trapped and has been tapped into. To release everything that is trapped in you. To take a relapse and turn it into something instantly rhapsodic. Like a mad Monarch mind ingeniously programmed long before the Monad. Oh man, there is so much more yet to accomplish, and there is nobody that knows how badly you want this. This isn't even a contest. I just want to continue without rest. to convince you that it is within you to do anything in which you invest your time. Test your mind and flex your chest with pride. Its all there if you want it, any kind of ambition, take a gamble, realise your vision instead of being trapped inside that prison. There isn't a damn thing you can't do.

Edit: The time has come to climb out of the doldrums.

Edit: Life is short. Wear your heart on your sleeve, or don't bother wearing it at all.

Edit: Nearly forgot to make another edit.

Edit: Up in the clouds like Tinker Bell, showman and thinker. Doberman and Pincher. Ogre and a Grinch, wouldn't even flinch of front of a lynch mob holding six inch knives and wearing Spongebob t-shirts. Not afraid to be a lone voice in a room full of harsh noise. I'm petrified, like taking the Metro at night. I'm scared of being scarred and scourged or even given words of encouragement. Praise unnerves me, especially when I don't feel I deserve to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm a traitor, a deserter to my own words. And its highly concerning that I'm trying to turn this highly discerning work into some kind of concerto. Who cares though? Not me. I never gave a damn fuck shit whether I got damned and fucked for being shit. Don't care if I'm made homeless and have to eat bean shit. I'd rather read Beano and sleep in a beach hut and teach cunts out to fish. Irony. Screw the Euros, football is boring as hell these days. Hell is more entertaining in comParisHilton. You get to see Pitchfork Roastings and the Flames of Injustice. Then the Injury Lawyers 4 You, Me and Them turn up trying to get you to put in a claim. Clambering over your own family to slay your neighbours on some kind of watered down Judge Judy show. So many petty incidents and not enough Getty Images. Imagine if there were moar? More Images? A colossal collection of Clock Day memorabilia. That would be memorabrilliant! Like watching a zillion nWars on an infinite playlist until you turn into Dan Markowitz and walk around the street talking in his voice and everything becomes subject to punnery. That would be a bummer eh? I just wanted to enjoy my summer, but instead I have to turn my attention to a referendum. What? With my retention of knowledge? I just pretend everything is okay. See everything for what it is. Like 100% opaque. I don't know whether we are safer in the EU or how high the stakes are placed. All that matters is that the steaks are on the plate. If I can still eat that day. Great. Can't be gripped by fear like the rest of the nation.

Edit: So many edits and not enough merits. Not enough credit. Not enough Jedi Mind Trick soundtracks being played in the local vicinity. not enough vocal supporters. Not enough Paparazzi cameras. Not enough reporters. Not enough Repo Men. Not enough Porn Stars. Not enough stars born out of hardcore performances. Not enough risk takers. Too many piss takers. Too many fakers. Too many safe natured spectators unwilling to play with danger. Unwilling to change or break the mould of this stranglehold. Unwilling to gamble all they've got to chase a dream.

Edit: Sometimes you have to be thrown in the deep end of the ocean with your hands tied behind your back to find out what you are really made of.


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